FRIDAY - THE DIET IS ALMOST OVER - IT TRULY IS GOOD FRIDAY
11:00 - nothing
i had a full agenda today including the purchase of a rug, drapes and a drapery rod - the washing of bedding and most clothing - an over all cleaning of the house - for jesus.
12:00 coffee coffee
3:00 - chicken soup (1g. fat) with extra vegetables
tonight i'm having company perchance we'll eat popcorn - perchance we'll have a sandwich - who knows?? i love living capriciously.
The diet is nearing an end and tomorrow i will write of my reflections and introspections over the past 60 days.. i hope you have stuck in there... and that i've been of some inspiration.
i went whoring around heinins today staring shamelessly at the noodley salads and spaghetti - how will my life be post - diet?? it's like jaws.... 3 guys go out on a boat the spend several days figuring out life but what happens after such a life altering trip???????????????????

Thursday - March 28 - today is great.
today i had a 1/2 day of work for jesus. big ups to my lord.
8:00 coffee coffee coffee
9:00 banana
10:00 coffee
11:00 apple
12:00 - orange
4:00 early RINGER but soooo damned good -
nap nap nap
9:00 - coupla salt free pretzels and NEWMANS HOT SALSA
11:00 banana
"when this diet is over thea " you ask "won't you miss the RINGER and all of it's delicious complexities?" a hearty "NO WAY" i shout i will carry the ringer with me forever... like the exhileration Marie Curie felt when she discovered what ever it was she discovered - I AM AN INVENTRESS... and i will, for as long as i live partake in the RINGER! and i will continue to preach the good word of the RINGER.. i'm so into it i actually wrote the contents on an index card labled "your favorite food" incase i get alzheimers or soap opera type amnesia. HAIL TO THE RINGER - YOU KEPT ME OUT OF FATTNESS!

Wednesday March 27 - just like heaven
GREETNGS FREE TIMES PLAGERISTS!!
busy day.
annoying day.
almost the last day before spring break!
8:00 coffee coffee coffee
11:40 bag o' carrots and red pepper slices
12:00 banana
12:30 orange, apple, banana/berry yogurt
2:00 diet pepsi
5:00 night time RINGER with tuna fish. 4 salt free pretzels with hot salsa (should i feel like an old person buying salt free pretzels?_)
Today we were yet again ripped off by the FREE TIMES.. i love to see my thoughts and sentiments in publication but wheres the credits, wheres the big ups... where the hell are my proper propers???? hence forth FREE TIMES PLAGERISTS - i will but items of essential comic value in ALL CAPS!! to make your plagerism that much more simple..... when i next describe THE RINGER - I WILL PUT THE INGREDIENTS IN ALL CAPS. also peruse the website for show reviews that you might want to steal because you are far too lame a writer to come up with one original / let alone funny thought of your own. is it coming across how i've been sickened. no wait lemme guess next week's front page... "I'M SICKENED BY LEAF BLOWING AND SEXY FISH" please check your standards and when you wish to quote me or borrow my material give me a heads up. jack ass.

Tuesday March 26th, 2002
why am i still an ox?
7:30 coffee coffee coffee
8:00-9:00 coffee coffee
11:00 bag o mini carrots
12:30 day time RINGER, an apple, an orange
5:00 slice of crusty italian bread (i know bread is a sin but i not only know the sinner i am a sinner)
and - heres me going fucking balls out wacko... 1 PICKLED EGG.
thats it folks i feel like cutting my own head off with a chainsaw over the bread.. there shan't be anymore for me today.
so... i got the work related news letter that did a profile on yours truly and in the picture i look like a super fat buck toothed idiot. excellent. i tried to get the person responsible to put a post-it in each one saying "i'm really not this fat - ) anyhow i'm not as pumped as i thought.. dumb article. i did manage to mention CHICK PEAS in it though... see i'm trying to subliminally influence people who work at my agency because with out a doubt THEY ARE DOING IT WRONG.
i'll talk to you tomorrow... it is currently blizzarding.. can a n-word get a table dance over here.. .where's my freakin snow day!!!

Monday - March 25 - keep on keepin on
6:20 - coffee coffee coffee
7:00 coffee coffee
9:30 - coffee coffee
11:45 - grapefruit
12:30 - banana yogurt w/ raisins, apple, orange
5:00 - night time "RINGER" that would be of course for those just tuning in - the greatest meal / meal substitute ever created by ME. shredded broccoli slaw, chick peas, carrots, cucumbers, mushrooms, baby corn, peas, red pepper, artichoke heart, crushed red pepper, black pepper, dash of hot sauce and BALSAMIC VINEGARETTE. - i say without hesitation do it this way or do it wrong.
Counting down to easter... i remember when easter was about eating the biggest chocolate rabbit possible, if it stood 4 foot tall, you still simply must eat the whole thing...ears first. And the marshmallow peeps.. ahhhh sugar coated marshmallow. how about some of the beloved jelly beans, chocolate eggs, chocolate crosses, chocolate praying hands, peanutbutter eggs... so delicious but being a bit rusty on my religious facts.. did Jesus gorge himself on candy once out of the tomb... it that the whole thing or what? being dead a while i can only imagine he worked up quite a hankering for sugary marshmallow goodness. CELEBRATE EASTER WITH ME THIS YEAR - WE'RE IN IT TOGETHER - SANS CANDY!! stay strong. good night

SUNDAY MARCH 24 -
yesterday i was told my blogs were boring.... so boring in fact that they are used to lull small babies to sleep.
thanks.
11:00 - coffee coffee coffee coffee
12:00 - slice of raisin toast
nap nap nap
tv tv tv tv
nap nap nap
5:00 - SOME OF THE BEST DAMNED LOW FAT TURKEY CHILLI EVER MADE! period.
then magic dogs flew in the sky and sprinkled glittery pixi dust on my house and me and i was transported to a nether world where gumballs grow on trees and you can have all the pet snakes you want. and shingles are made of peanut brittle. it was there that i was challenged by the evil donkey woman over the treasure of the sunken dingy. we fought a long cold war... but i,,, i was victorious and when i opened the treasure chest i had enough gold dabloons for a black vw beetle and some left over to buy paint. the end.

SATURDAY MARCH 23 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER MATT.
11:00 coffee coffee coffee coffee
went to radio station
12:00 coffee coffee
made evening plans for tattoo convention.
5:30 - THE RINGER WITH CHICKEN.... and bonus kick ass ingredients.
8:00 beers... at the convention
going to my first tattoo convention is a weight loss clinic in itself.... sooooo much flesh.... so much needlessly exposed flesh. it really renewed my desire to keep squatting in every private moment of my life - to walk to the grocery store and to run back home carrying heavy grocery bags over my head. - it was quite a show. i love people. i love people who just don't give a shit... in retrospect i should have asked some of them "on mic" "how do you do it... parading around in short - ass grabbing gym shorts and bippie top sans bra when your stomach and bosoms are approximately the same size with little diferentiation. and are your eyebrows and makeup tattooed on or is that natural?" and you sir " is that cellulite a tattoo effect or real - and will you be getting a pegasus tattoo on your left breast?" so much fun with humanity.
see you guys tomorrow hang in there. high five me someone!