its friday.
here's the thing. i went on brain pills from a psychaitrist a while back and i felt like they were working - then i quit them abruptly because i thought they were making me gain weight.
tonight and the past couple days i've been in one of those phases where i know i needed medication... and i guess the key is to trace whats going on with your life to see what sparks these phases... and i cannot figure it out... i don't know what is different, or what has happened, or what may be making me feel differently... but i can for sure identify the bad behaviors of this "phase" - boy what a pisser...... i wish i could figure it out and work to resolve it.. but i just don't know what it is.........there's no specific problem or pressure at work, or home or whatever................. how awful not to be able to figure this out. fuck.
oh well.
hey i had a romance / kissing/ dating dream about COLEMAN from general hospital, how sad is that... even sadder still in this dream and even in the recollection of it ... i can feel how nice it is to be with someone who likes you. too bad it is ficticious.
i'll be at the 755 mph show tomorrow night rooting for the sinner, and enjoying myself.
have a fun weekend.
love,
thea

wednesday night.
i went to the doctor yesterday for the big follow up visit - post surgery. everything is fine... she told me horror stories about the condition of some of my insides.. she actually said that some of my insides were amongst the top 5 worst cases she'd seen.... i have the cream of the crop of bad organs, i've made the bad organ honor roll or hall of fame if you will - OUTTA SIGHT MAN, OUTTA SIGHT!! everyone HAS to be good at something... i guess i am good at having all this twisted crap on the inside and never feeling pain or taking notice if i did. that is one of the things she found most astounding.. how i could first of all have this football tumor and all this other fucked up stuff going on and never felt pain. one word = BADASS!
thank you.
it's windy outside tonight. i don't care for so much wind.
today we at work had our weekly staff meetings and, i shit you not, the CEO came in (as this person does i think it's every 3 months or so) to tell us more stuff about how the agency has no dough (which means we get paid less then your average janitor)... but she arrived to tell us this in a big very lavish fur coat,i cannot help but think this was a faux pas on her part. last time she came to our building which has no real functioning heat or air conditioning and classrooms with no windows ect.... she was bragging to us how one of the big wigs at another location of ours just got a lovely mahogony desk, yea there are parts of my desk that fall off if they are bumped to hard. it is a weird, wild world.
i still don't like this wind.
i took a long walk today as well, this time without the company of smokey robinson, smokey, i missed you.
i hope you all will enjoy the rest of the week, it's almost over. and maybe you'll be at the grog shop this saturday for the big 755 miles per hour / red giant / other band show.
later all,
i remain
dj crazy nickname.
ps: i went to heinens and got some super low fat HAMBOOOGAAARS i will chop them up 1/2 at a time in my nightly servings of the RINGER, and if you say i don't know how to live> FUCK YOU.
I also had some squash

hi ho monday.
i went to work.
it sucked.
a lot.
i am tired.
i actually said aloud today as i walked across the parking lot "god let me fall and break my back so i don't have to come back". now i'm just praying that G will make it bearable for the rest of the school year. just bearable please.
i go back to the doctor to make sure all my organs are tucked neatly back in place after surgery. i'm fine i want to ask about getting a tattoo on the scar across my abdomen.. while the nerves are still cut and numb.... how about flames rising from the scar? sounds fun. i just wouldnt want potential tattoo persons to be grossed out by it.... although as tattoo persons i'm sure they work on the obese and that trumps my thin little scar.
off to bed.
thea
diet diary redux:
1.
banana
coffee coffee coffee
apple, orange, mini dose of the RINGER (broccoli slaw, chick peas, cucumbers, BALSAMIC)
decaf iced green tea
night time ringer - add in chopped up turkey burger.
water
over and out.

sunday night.
you know those movies where the doctor tells the guy "you've got a terminal sickness and only 2 weeks to live" and that guy looks like an angry mule just kicked his balls off... yea thats about how i feel having to go back to work tomorrow. F F F F F F F F F F F F F F F F F F F FF F F F F F F F F F F F F F FF F F F F!
I read chris' blog.... he's concerned about having a plan b. dude how about the life with no plan a. that's me.
does it suck.. sure sometimes... i chose to ignore it.. but it oft catches up with me and i am again kicked in the balls by an angry mule. plan a. plan b. let's roll em together and call em plan F. as in fuckin bullshit.
boy i'm in a dour mood huh. sorry the work onset is really pinchy to me. must find new job. (anyone out there who works anywhere decent or cool and makes a liveable wage please chime in at Iamthea@aol.com_- cuz this job is nowherezville dig?) i use to enjoy my job but now i only enjoy time away from it (how fast can i grow another tumor in my uterus?).
i'll be looking forward to talking to you all tomorrow. have an excellent monday!
right on
thea
40 days till valentines day. i think.