DAY 32 - March 02, 2002
feelin it lovin it. i think i may have super hypnotized myself but i feel friggin great.
11:00 coffee coffee coffee
important date: i am being permitted to babysit a friends little tiny daughter this afternoon. i'm so proud that they trust me (maybe no one else was available).
12:00 - get to their home... hang with baby girl.... envy her unadulterated beauty... man oh man she is a beautiful girl.. we have fun singing "eeeee iiiii eeee iiii oooo" and carrying shoes around. i give her a bottle and take her up for a nap. then sit in dead silence in their home incase i need to hear her sneeze or breathe or whatever.... this event was a high point of my life... i love their kids and am happy to have practice hanging out with them. and i know other dear dear friends are looking to have kids soon so i need to get my "chops" up.
6:00 - prepare the ringer with left over bonus ingredients - artichoke hearts, pepper rings, mushrooms, peas... surely this is a glorious weekend. i'm feeling like a powerhouse.. i need to bump up my excercise - i've been doing standard amounts of sit ups and push ups and kicking my legs all over the house but it's time to get new batteries for the walkman and go on the marathon walk/runs. i'm committed or i should be.
chris and i had a heart to heart tonight about blogging, dieting and life in general. i hope i was of help. sometimes i convince my self that i'm doing o.k. but wonder if i'm hypnotizing myself that i'm o.k. - like i've convinced myself i hate ice cream. i wonder how i'd know if i was really feeling better or i have convinced myself that i am. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm things to ponder on a sunday. i'll talk later. and remember "weekend doesn't have to = weakness". i'm your buddy.

Day 31 - so much fun!! March 01, 2002
8:00 - coffee coffee coffee
10:00 - banana
11:00 - grapefruit
12:30 - ringer day version, apple, orange..... kick ass
stop at Heinens after work for some ringer rememdy... just want to "glam it up" a bit... and man did it.... do you have a pen handy for the recipe FOR THE ULTRA GLAM "RINGER" so fucking awesome.. i hate to share it.
7:00 p.m. - chicken breast, chick peas, broccoli slaw, carrots, cucumber, ARTICHOKE HEARTS, peas, onions, mushrooms, hot pepper rings, red pepper, crushed red pepper and regular black pepper - hot sauce and BALSAMIC VINEGARETTE. If you as a participant aren't jotting this one down in your journal you are an ass. this was easily one of the most seemingly gluttonous / extravagant meals i've made and man was it awesome.
i swear my advice is GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND JOIN ME. actually at work a faux dieter was talking about "how can you eat the same thing all the time... i go through phases" and i guess you're stuck in the fat and ridiculous phase right now.... said person drinks the prepared lose fat shakes.... (if it's called a shake BEWARE). oh well i feel aweome! and as i write this i'm listening to the Bee Gees... i love their songs. alot.
other then that my day was aces. i will retire tonight happy. i hope you will to. WE ARE BAD ASSES. NUF SAID

WELCOME DAY 30!!!!! Thursday Feb. 28th.
8:00 - coffee coffee coffee
10:00 - unsweetened peach/applesauce
11:00 - grapefruit
12:30 - day time "ringer combo"
apple
orange
5:40 - breaking the diet at the 1/2 way mark... for some korean vegetarian sushi - and i feel fucking great about it... man i love this stuff. love it.
7:00 - coupla pretzel rods.... and newmans salsa (HOT -N- CHUNKY) baby thats me.
okey dokey we're at the 1/2 way mark. how did i get here? i have spent many many years wondering how i got to be this person... engaging in "black arts" to deal with food..inventing regimes... obsessing about weight etc.. then i got home today and there was a message on my answering machine from my beloved mother - she was weeping literally on the phone because and i quote "i can't lose weight". now my mother is a senior citizen and should be well beyond that type of bullshit... and i hope when i am her age i'm content to eat cakes filled with pies and twinkies as main staples.... but it occurs to me where my little issue may have come from. it's weird to be on the phone with my mom telling her that 1/2 a pound isn't anything to think about... it's a good pee. and "you don't need to lose any weight" ... all things people say to me but i ignore or write off as b.s. - what do i tell her? this is a glimpse into the "behind the thea" on VH1.

Day 29 - Wednesday February 27th
8:00 coffee coffee coffee
10:30 orange
12:30 chick peas, cabbage, cucumbers, carrots BALSAMIC VINEGARETTE (aka "the ringer")
apple
3:00 - orange / banana
5:30 - pretzel rod and hot salsa
6:05 - night time "ringer" with tuna fish... hot sauce and for fun a little red pepper chopped up. living large.
later i think i'll have a yogurt. vanilla of course
squats, sit ups, kicking all over the place squatting... love it.
o.k. a couple things.
1. Paul Newmans hot salsa is the freaking best! use anything else and you're a damned fool. period.
2. at the grocery store i heard a bee-gees song and felt sad and wanted my life to be like a bee-gees love song.
3. i recently had a conversation with someone with similar eating "issues" (you can read that as disorders if its more clear for you) anyhow this person is on some religious dieting program where you "let god fill you up with love" when you feel like eating extraneous foods, i guess that falls into the "if its workin for you - biggest ups" but i've yet to see a picture/painting depicting the lord jesus christ carrying a can of chicpeas and balsamic vinegarette so i'm sticking with my program.
4. i am in contact with someone on "weight watcher" (aka - weight wussies) if your joining a fat club you should be sufficiently embarrassed with out public weigh ins. anyhow this person has in the past 2 days eaten: hershey's kisses, cake, cookies, cupcakes, more chocolate. i'm not sure how weight wussies works but i don't think that's on the options list. if you are this type of person you should probably not tell people you've joined weight wussies.... because you suddenly live in a microscope and unless you've gone commando you'll look the fool. fat clubs. not for us. we know our weaknesses we know how to be strong and it doesn't involve meetings and public weigh-ins and humiliation. so sad. I hope your glad to be doing this with me! my way. i think we're making remarkable progress and i'm proud of us. hooray.

Day 28 - Tuesday February 26th
Tuesdays in general suck. they're not as stupid and worthless as mondays but at least they're not as miserable as thursdays. Although as a whole - today was o.k. i allowed myself to sleep in for 20 minutes this a.m. - niiccce. Remember i told you my email computer at work blowed up! well it's still at the garage and without it and something to do.... the work day is about 35 hours long. After work i had to take some of the youth of today out for some "good deeding" that's always fun. or not. i watched a kid devour anything that came near her face..... i was afraid to get to close as i might lose a finger. there is nothing quite so unattractive... when someone says "hey want a pretzel?" and hands you the bag.... DON'T EAT THE WHOLE BAG KEEPING IT 2 INCHES FROM YOU AT ALL TIMES AND DOING WHATEVER WORK WITH ONE HAND SO YOU CAN KEEP SHOVING THEM IN YOUR MOUTH SIMULTANEOUSLY. thats just a little dieting tip from me to you.
i got home super pumped about my dinner of chick peas and all that jazz. did she say "super pumped" yes. and i'm not sure why... i think it has to do with having a constant ...please see the aforementioned days reports.
9:00 a.m - coffee coffee
10:00 a.m. - little bit of grapes
11:30 a.m. - grapefruit
12:30 p.m. - the ringer - day version.
apple
orange
3:00 p.m. - diet pop
6:00 p.m. - A SUPER GLORIOUS HELPING OF THE RINGER WITH CHICKEN BREAST. man this stuff is good. are you participating with me if so you're feeling it.
7:30 p.m. - feel dead asleep on the couch - so deep was my slumber that i missed a phone call.. with the phone right next to me... i missed my beloved NYPD Blue... and only woke up when i heard Jay Leno doing the tonight show.... it may have been a mini coma. but now i'm ready for bed. Have a super tomorrow and lets keep on keepin on. don't be weak. no matter what.

Day 27 - Monday February 25th... note i'm writing these 2 days at 2:02 a.m. in retrospect all things are fun and great.
7:00 - coffee coffee coffee
9:40 a.m. - carrots
11:00 a.m. - orange
12:30 p.m. - "the ringer" day version, an apple and yes another orange.
run run run home....... must work for Crosby Stills Nash and Young show! far out.
dinner at work
9:00 p.m. - some turkey, a couple tomato slices, and some cabbage slaw.. diet coke
home at 2:00 after hitting the grocery for some necessities... RAISINS.
quick bowl of grapenuts..w/ raisins. sleep well.
i'm really super not enjoying work right now.... so i turn to my diet for fun and enjoyment and consistency. life is a freaking vomitous roller coster and you need a constant or 2 let your diet be one.... let our kinship be 2.
good night and god bless and i'll see you in the morning.
Don't forget... "You're a trooper"

DAY 26 - Sunday February 24th.
this was a good day (yell out a resounding "yes!").
i awoke... puttered around the house did mad laundry..... vaccumed, cleaned, loved it..
then, did you ever have one of those sundays when the gods seem to be favoring you and you turn on the tv to find that Carrie is on followed by The Exorcist (directors cut) then later to be cinched with Unforgiven... and in the time betwixt Exorcist and Unforgiven you decide to roll with this awesome day and go to a movie... and world seems to be timed exactly right. Go with those days they don't come often enough.. and embrace them as you do your meal plan... it's all part of the glorious big picture.
10:00 coffee coffee coffee
12:00 banana
2:00 "The Ringer" and an apple
4:00 - some cucumbers and a roll.
evening.... some beers and some fun.
live it up guys.