DAY 39 - FEELIN FINE. March 9th, 2002
12:00 coffee coffee coffee
3:00 - 1/2 cup brown rice and black beans
7:00 - orange
8:30 - low fat turkey and hot sauce
8:45 - 7 mike & ike candies... 2 red, 3 orange, 2 yellow
9:00 - beers
i had a really odd morning that i won't talk about - suffice it to say it involves my cats butt. i had to work and made alot of money... i was yet again tempted by pizza and other garbage food but i said - perchance i'll cash in that eat something regular card tomorrow. i look forward to tomorrow... grocery shopping, seeing dear dear friends, maybe seeing other friends and a movie........... or at the very least sleeping alot.
i remain your friend throughout all of this....
thea
PS: i had a dream that there was a spider right above my head in bed climbing back up a thread of web. real. no - too close to real - yes.
PS: also tonight i drove home in a bit of a snow storm and was listening to classic rock... and decided that is the ideal scene for whoopie... the car, snow, jefferson airplane. GOD HELP ME.

Day 38 - Friday March 8th 2002
i'm feeling neither here nor there today.
8:00 coffee coffee coffee
11:00 grapefruit
12:30 vanilla yogurt, apple, orange
4:45 ringer with tuna and bonus ingredients. i have to be at work a little before 5 so thats the reason for the early dinning time.
i had a close call with pizza today. through my own brand of self hypnosis i have convinced myself that much like ice cream - I HATE PIZZA. the outfit that i work for raises money by selling pizza for lunch on friday and because i am the one providing the "hook up" i am in close contact with said pizza... and i must say today it was tough... to the point of secretly planning to hijack 2 pieces before i left work... but you know what?????? the dieting enthusiast me said "stop it you sickening fool, you love the chickpeas, you love the horseradish, you love all vegetable add in's - don't be stupid you ass... why blow it on some miserable take out pizza .... hang in there for something you really want" and that my friends is the essence of dieting and maintaining your weight.... it is that momentary decision... garbage or not... have strength... it's worth it... i believe in you!!!! let's continue to rock shall we?

Day 37 - Thursday March 7th 2002
i still haven't jumped on the scale again... fear but i'm working with it.
8:00 - coffee coffee coffee
10:00 - apple
11:00 - carrots
12:30 day time ringer + a tad of left over tuna and bonus ingredients
6:00 - 2 kosher dill halves, in NEWMANS HOT SALSA - an excellent snack
7:00 - later ringer with bonus ingredients that make me happy - HORSERADISH.
last night at around 10:00 p.m. or so my cat dollrina (see photo section of website) began blowing blood out of her nose and all over my bed. it was disturbing. we went to the doctor today .. she may be sporting some kind of tumor in her face/head that there is little they can do for. that would suck... she's such a little trooper. i'll pray its some rogue infection that the anti-biotics will kill any day now. so needless to say my day was spent with worry. she is a dear dear girl. biggest ups to dollrina - get your rest on and feel better. the big high point of my day>>> at my job our "mother company/agency" wants to do a profile on ME in the next news letter... i feel like an ass when so many other people there are achieving greatness and i'm pretty much a glorified staff comedian and goof. oh well i'm a bit self centered i'll take the attention. and love it.. i'll post it on the web when it's out.
let's join hands and pray for the strength to get through tomorrow and for my cat to get better.
*** secret confession::: last night like a hog i ate a small bag of low fat oat bran pretzel nuggets and i feel like shit. i'm sorry for my weakness. forgive me i'm a horrible fat person.

Day 36 - Wednesday March 6th 2002
I FEEL ALIVE... AND I DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO HORSERADISH
8:00 coffee coffee coffee
9:00 - carrots
11:00 - unsweetened mango peach applesauce
12:30 - day time ringer, apple, orange
2:00 - diet pepsi
4:00 - BONUS APPLE
6:00 - super fantastic bumped up ringer with the addition of a bit of horseradish NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF CONDIMENTS!!! SO AWESOME - todays ringer for those keeping score was: chicken breast, chickpeas, BALSAMIC VINEGARETTE, a touch of hot sauce, HORSEREADISH, peas, broccoli slaw, mushrooms, cucumbers, pepper rings, a quartered artichoke heart, a baby corn, red pepper. Your thinking this is far too lavish for a diet... but no my brother you CAN eat this and live large --- its filling, it tastes freaking great, and you're on your way to a whole new you. HIGH FIVE ME SOMEBODY!
I am super up!! and i'm having a good life today! maybe its the amazing weather. whatever... i hope you're feelin this euphoria with me and that we've bonded somehow. YOUR NOT A FAT PIG ANYMORE!! together we're learning that we don't need to fill our mouths with chocolate filled marshmallos just because we're sad... toughen up kids.... it's o.k. to say no to the sunday bar and have a vanilla yogurt at home as long as you approach it with the aforementioned "self-hypnosis" attitude... ie: "this vanilla yogurt is the equivalent of a snickers bar but better for me so i'm making the right choice".... it's true.. a friend recently gave the cliche' " fake it till you make it" i guess that's how the self hypnosis works... when you find yourself pumped about a 10:00 vanilla yogurt and raisins versus triple fudge swirl, cookie dough, pecan cruch icecream you are on the way to a new life!!! congratulations - i love you.

Day 35 - dedicated to shredded wheat. Tuesday March 5th 2002
8:00- coffee coffee coffee
10:00 - orange
11:00 - bag o' carrots provided by the youth of today
12:30 - day time ringer, plus bonus ingredients.. apple, orange
7:00 - night time ringer with TUNA - sooo goood man you'd think i'd bore of this yet i am more and more compelled by it as each day goes by. I LOVE ROUTINE.
12:45 - strawberry yogurt with shredded wheat stirred in. life is good.
Today was an over all lack luster day (AT WORK) most people sicken me and i wish that they knew that they were wasting my precious (oh so precious) time with negative bullshit. who can spout negativity all day.... geez take a breather, read a knock knock joke... it's life man... go with it. I guess the best rule for living is .... do what you gotta do... and hopefully make as few people miserable by your trials and tribulations as possible on your way through. christ. Went out with chris tonight.... had a fun time despite the surroundings... i'll save that for a special show review for the website. i am glad to have chris in my corner. i often think if not for him the corner.... totally empty. oh well... kids, i'm off to bed. have a great day tomorrow and stick with it.... it's worth it. YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!

Day 34 - and askin for more! Monday March 4th 2002
I'm feeling pretty bloggerific!!! (thats good)
7:00 - coffee coffee coffee
8:00 - orange
9:00 - carrots provided by one of the youth of today
10:00 - orange pineapple banana juice
11:00 - grapefruit
12:30 - day time ringer, apple orange
4:30 - banana - and a artichoke heart... i couldn't resist
8:30 - grilled tuna on a salad, with BALSAMIC VINEGARETTE from the Harry buffalo restaurant i've mentioned before as being tops on my acceptable list.
i got a hair-do today - that always makes one feel better as does time spent with dear friends. dear dear friends.
side note from my afternoon - Mr. T always use to say that he "pitied the fool..." yea so do i.
lets take a deep breath, and remind ourselves how happy we are that we bought chickpeas on sale this week! and how happy we are to have the support of our nearest and dearest (thats you and me). and let's be happy for crickets, and cats and just the idea of chocolate filled marshmallow candy sold in a small bucket. WHAT A WORLD.

Day 33 - Sunday March 3, 2002
I read chris' interview with laurie and found it to be genius!! genius - to get the perspective of someone so close to the madness. So i will now rip him off. Seeing as i am single, have no significant other, room mate, and the only friend i might like to interview has asked to be left completely out of this.. i will speak to my cat Jack. As the only boy i want his perspective and the other cats all have long histories of eating issues. so refer to the photo page of the website to see a picture of jack and on we go:
Me: jack come here and sit with me for a second

Jack: no

Me: c'mon... sit here... let me ask you something?

Jack: are you going to kiss me?

Me: no. seriously.. let me ask you... do you think i'm fat?

Jack: no.

Me: how can you not. i'm like 50x your size and you don't see that as being a little tubbo

Jack: i'm a cat. of course you're bigger but i wouldn't say fat.

Me: Jack, do you recollect a time when i was much fatter? and what did you notice about that time?

Jack: yes i remember you getting a bit fatter and i remember - you trying to offer me potato chips. i can't say that we (the girls and i) ever thought you were a big fat ass though.

Me: jack do you recollect at time when i was much thinner? and tell me about that

Jack: yes you've been thinner but so have i, so has nova, it's a process mom, lighten up. yes i remember you being thinner but i also remember being afraid you'd drop dead on the floor. it was during this time that we learned how to open the cat food bucket because we thought it would be tacky of us to eat your dead body after all you've done for us. are we finished yet?

Me: no. do i or have i sickened you with all this dieting bullshit.

Jack: you sickened me with your "poor behavior choices" regarding weight loss in the past... that sickened me. and the dieting is o.k. but it would be nice to have a little god damned ham in the house - would it kill you to get a few slices of ham... cripe!

Me: since i've started taking brain pills do you notice a difference in me? be honest

Jack: yes you seem in better spirits. why aren't you asking layla all this crap?

Me: layla would lie to me. - i guess that's about it - i'll thank you for your honesty and may i now kiss you alot my little french fry, sweet potato....baby boy, little lion???????

Jack: yes you are permitted to kiss me.

12:30 coffee coffee coffee
2:40 - lunch/dinner at parents they eat at senior citizen time - not early and not late...
small fruit salad, small side salad, tomato VINEGARETTE, some chicken type stewish stuff and rice.
pretty good and i don't feel bad about it either.
Weighed myself today - i hasten to say what the scale said because before you go public with grand totals i think it should be a few days at that weight so you know you just didn't have to pee or something but i do feel proud and joyful and i thank all of you who are doing this with me. your support means alot. good night and god bless. (tommorow i have a hair cut - that's good for losing a couple ounces - kidding)