wednesday/thursday 2005 + 19/20
its late wednesday.
it was a long day full of travel for me...
i got up... headed out to work.. just before the highway i realized i forgot mine handbag (shit!!!) turned around.. made the call to say where i was........ got back in gear only to realize that the snow/visibility on the shoreway was such that people were moving very very veeeeeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy slowly... anyhow got to work.. had to immediately turn around with fellow staff member to head out to funeral / family reception in shaker....... the drive... awful.. did we get lost a little of course. we arrive..

i can't explain having to feel/be a part of sooo much agony. son of a bitch. awful.. and you know how when you're in the line and you're like doing breating excercises and like trying to focus and saying "i'm cool i can totally keep it together".. but suddenly you're confronted with a father and mother who are so immersed in pain and you're "i'm cool" goes out the window and you're a weeping idiot....---- yeah well i fell apart - shit i hate that but in the situation.. there is seriously nothing left but base human grief. i remain sooo sorry for this family.. shit.
anyhow
i'm going to bed
to sleep perchance to dream.
please take care of yourselves,
bbfea